I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He shit in the fireplace
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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