My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
