There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
