you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
