fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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