so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
