I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
