he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
