He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
