he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
