I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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