Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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