We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
