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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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