I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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