just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
