you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am midnight drunk by noon
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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