dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Houston, we have a blender
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
