My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
someone owes me an orgasm
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
