I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
soo... how was my night?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
