my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish you could order shots online.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
