don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
