we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
