The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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