I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
