I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
