you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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