I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize