so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dignity is for republicans.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
