Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
