just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
