don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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