Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
