yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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