My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
