are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
