If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
