i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
3pm strippers are depressing
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
