If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
