yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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