Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
