Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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