Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i dont even know how to be here
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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