im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
