I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
