talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We left the knife in your bed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
