Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
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so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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