Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
