So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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