I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
