i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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