I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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