You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
