So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
