Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
