i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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