I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
