Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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