had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dicks are not precious.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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