Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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