Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
