Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
