My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
