i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
