I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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