Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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