He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
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I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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