You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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