1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
