im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
