Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
