Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
