Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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