Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize