Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
