just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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