The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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