Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
