he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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